"the greatest battle of life is fought out within the silent chambers of the soul. a victory on the inside of a man's heart is worth a hundred conquests on the battlefields of life. to be master of yourself is the best guarantee that you will be a master of the situation. know thyself. the crown of character is self control."

- anonymous
the Miracle of Forgiveness

Letters to my family: Clementine

My dearest little girl,

I am soo sorry! Yesterday was a really hard day for me, in fact this whole week has been tough. I cannot wait to see your beautiful face, I sometimes imagine that you look like Kai but with longer hair and with pink clothing and also not as rough like boys are. I love you and your brother and sister. I hope to someday give you more siblings to play with. I know that the second coming is close, I can feel it and I cannot wait to see you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and hug you soo hard without worrying that you are so fragile. I cannot wait to read books to you, sing you songs, and play with you. I cannot wait to raise you. I think of you everyday, and only hope for the wonderful times our family will have once we are all together. Next week we will be getting sealed to Ani and I have a hope of feeling your prescence in the Lords temple. I know I will, and I will cry for joy. In a way our family will be together that day, just like we will when He comes again. That day is not far off and I can't wait.

Ani (sorry some of the videos are kinda dark)

Ani singing

Ani singing

Whipper Snapper

my buttons from facebook

Future Home

Naples, Florida- Our future home

Be Grateful

After losing my child in November of 2008, I have become very angry with pregnant women in regards to them complaining all the time about how they just wish it would be over with, or how they can't take it anymore. I ticks me off!!! I have had 3 pregnancies, 2 that were full term. I understand that being pregnant is a great experience but there is always something that comes with it. For example, morning sickness, nausea, irritability, fatigue, bloating, swelling, etc., I have had 3 pregnancies, each a different experience...
Prenancy #1: I was pregnant in the summer, I was 17 years old turning 18, and I had really bad swelling in my legs, morning sickness the first trimester was pretty bad, fatigue was a must as well as heartburn. The last several months I started getting very itchy. My legs were very much itchy, I would scrach soo much that my skin started thickening (if that makes sense), and I was also peeling, and it just kept spreading down my legs. After I had my baby (Ani), it went away slowly. It took one whole year for my skin to go back to normal. My legs swell soo much that I know have a few stretchmarks on my legs.
Pregnany #2: I was mostly pregnant during the fall and winter time. With this pregnancy things went pretty well, the only thing I really had was heartburn and bloating, other than that it was fine, besides the usual...which would include, sleepless nights, tireness and back pain.
Pregancy #3: I got pregnant in the summer and so summer and fall were my two main seasons (didn't get a chance to make it to winter). From the beginning I tried to watch what I ate b/c I didn't want to gain extra weight. By the first couple days of November, I was finally starting to show. Fatigue was a big one with this pregnancy as well as nausea.

NEVER IN MY LIFE WOULD I WANT SAY
"I wish it would be over with"
"I wish the baby comes early" a definate NO!
"I can't wait to get it over with" etc. etc.

HELLO! Please learn to appreciate that at least you are still pregnant or that you can at least have children, that you have not lost your child like I did or that you can't have children like some women, what they would do to be moms! I would never wish that on anyone. It is a horrible experience to have to go through. My daughter was 20 weeks along, there was no chance for survival, no chance of her even being born alive. I would have had to have one more month for a chance of survival and a month and a half for even a better chance. Do you want to know what the worst part of it was? Knowing that she was ok as long as she was inside my belly, but that as soon as she came out, she would not survive. She could have lived for 20 more weeks inside my belly and be fine, but no. This was what the lord intended for us. My husband and I are still trying to cope with it, and let me tell you it is not the easiest thing to do. If you know someone who has had a tragedy like this please don't ask yourselves "why can't they get over it?" I will never get over it. My daugher is my daughter and just b/c she didn't live for very long does not mean that I was not attached to her, it does not mean that I didn't have enough time to lover her and therfore how could I miss her. She will always be my daughter. Please appreciate that you are still pregnant and that you can have children. I pray that you won't have to go through something like this.

Superman

Today I was laying in bed and Daniel was watching a movie with Aniseth. Later Ani came and layed in bed with me. I was waiting to make an appointment with my doctor. I asked Ani " aren't you going to watch Zorro with papi? and she said "no, it's scary. He has a horse and he can fly and jump...like superman" I just thought that was quite funny and cute.

Honesty

So today I gave a talk in sacrament meeting. Here it is...

Robert L. Kimball (a stake president in Dallas texsas) said “Honesty is a characteristic of people who are truly converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ”

We have the gospel and as LDS people we should be converted to the His Gospel and as converted members we obviously should be honest.

How we as LDS can be more Honest

-James E. Faust: Honesty, a Moral Compass

“ We all need to know what it means to be honest. Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving”.

So I want to talk about this a little more to help us undersand how we can achieve this:

-Truth living/loving: Exodus 23:4 (bring back enemies animal)-If thou meet thine enemy's ox or his ass going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again.

Presiden Brigham Young said: “honest hearts produce honest actions”

Alma 27:27- And they (Anti-Nephi-Lehi) were the people of Nephi, and also numbered among the people who were of the church of God. And they were also distinguished for their zeal towards God, and also towards men; for they were perfectly honest and upright in all things; and they were firm in the faith of christ, even unto the end.

Alma 53:20- And they (stripling warriors)were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage and also for strength, and activity; but behold, this was not all-they wer men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.

Mosiah 4:28- (King Benjamin addresses his people)And I would that ye should remember, that whosoever among you borroweth of his neighbor should return the thing that he borroweth, according as he doth agree, or else thou shalt commit sin; and perhaps thou shalt cause thy neighbor to comit sin also.

-truth speaking: Proverbs 15:4 (perverse breach is in spirit): A wholesome tongue is a tree of life; but perverseness therein ia a breach in the spirit.

Transition to Blessings

Alma talks about a few of the natrual consequence the we can receive from doing these things

-Alma: 41:14 says: Therefore, my son, see that you are merciful unto your brethern; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall ye receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgement restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again.

By-truth telling, truth living, truth loving and truth speaking; in return we will receive the blessings that

Alma talks about in this scripture. We will receive: mercy restored, justice rewarded, good rewarded and righteous judgement.

He (Alma) goes on to say in verse 15

Alma 41:15—For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored; therefore, the word restoration more fully condemneth the sinner, and justifieth him not at all.

-Elder Worthling said: “The rewards of integrity are immeasureable. One is the indescribable inner peace that comes from knowing we are doing what is right; another is an absence of the guilt and anxiety that accompany sin”.

Share story “The Emperor's Seed” (you will find if you keep scrolling down)

-True to the Faith- “Being honest often requires courage and sacrifice”

-boy made a huge sacrifice and had courage to do the right thing.

End: James E. Faust

“Honesty is a principal and we have our moral agency to determine how we will apply this principal. We may be able to deceive others, but there is One we will never deceive.